Add these three lines to a PHP script to make it a Perl script instead. (Performs badly, doesn't support POST via STDIN, etcetera, but still the end result is more usable than PHP, IMO.)
<? $f = escapeshellarg($_SERVER[SCRIPT_FILENAME]);
list($h, $b) = preg_split("/\n\n/", `perl -x $f`,2);
foreach (preg_split("/\n/", $h) as $_) header($_);
echo $b; exit; ?>

#!/usr/bin/perl

print "Content-Type: text/plain\n\n";

print "perl++\n" for 1..10;

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In reply to Because PHP sucks: escape to Perl. by Juerd

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