goldclaw and chromatic nailed it. don't even ask me why i didn't try that myself, it just hadn't occurred to me yet.
all of you seem to have either mentioned my use of "exists", either explicitly, or by replacing it with different code. is this just something new with 5.6, or what? i forget where i ran across the idea to use it, but it works just fine on my system... just looked at perldoc.org, and couldn't find this use of it defined. it's not documented on perl.com either. so i have no idea. but i swear by my bones that it compiles and runs!