For instance, that's VBScript-ish:

   foreach my $objItem (in $colItems) {
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That should be either (@$colItems) or (keys %$colItems) or such depending on what type of reference $colItems is. Use e.g. Data::Dumper to see what that is.

This doesn't parse properly, either:

sub WMIDateStringToDate(strDate)
{
   return "blah ER";
}
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This construct looks like JavaScript. In perl, you may put subroutine prototypes in parens after a subroutine identifier, but you generally don't want to, because you don't need that. And you don't name your parameters to a sub.

So that is

sub WMIDateStringToDate
{
    return "blah ER";
}
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_($_=" "x(1<<5)."?\n".q·/)Oo.  G°\        /
                              /\_¯/(q    /
----------------------------  \__(m.====·.(_("always off the crowd"))."·
");sub _{s./.($e="'Itrs `mnsgdq Gdbj O`qkdq")=~y/"-y/#-z/;$e.e && print}