Ouch.
What worries me most in what you wrote is "have lost my confidence in my abilities". This is not good. A few years back I was involved in a start-up. Boredom was not the problem. The work itself was interesting, but few people challenged me and slowly but surely I began to question my own worth. For some reason, being top man (or woman) isn't enough to keep the confidence engines going. Maybe we need people to tell us we are wrong or to distrust our work a little so that we believe them when they appreciate us. Or maybe we just need people outside of our normal circles because familiarity breeds contempt, even for compliments.
I don't know that this is really about the job as much as it is about 'community of reference'. We all need a group of people who appreciate our worth while still pushing us to see more and bigger things about ourselves. For me, Perl Monks, has played a big role in helping me see myself outside of the work/family bubble. So has my husband (even though he counts as family), a couple of kids I am close to, and attending various professional networking events. The question is, what will work for you?
My first suggestion is to figure out how to find communities of reference that would work for you. An open source project might be good. So might a volunteer project having *nothing* to do with your technical skills (there are other skills we need to develop as we mature professionally - e.g. management/people/business/organizational skills). Or maybe you have an innovative idea of something that meets a market need and would fit your personal skill set and passions? Or maybe it is time to go back to school in a part-time degree program? But whatever you choose, focus on what it will give you in terms of self-confidence. If that goes, your ability to look for another job will be undermined in ways that matter more than the economy.
Once you see some things you would like to try, make sure you have a solid understanding of the limits of the NDA, non-compete, and work-for-hire clauses in your employement contract. If something is in the way (e.g. overly aggressive wording), see if you can renegotiate some breathing room for yourself. It might not work, but then again it might. Many companies these days go to great lengths to retain workers. In Israel several companies have cut down to four day work weeks just to keep employees during down times. You might be able to find similar flexibility on IP issues provided that you can reassure them that there will be no drain on their resources or risks to their strategy.
Best of luck, beth
In reply to Re: Lying on the bed I made
by ELISHEVA
in thread Lying on the bed I made
by ropey
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