I don't shoot people from a tower with a high powered rifle screaming, "I do this for Perl!!!"
I pants Ruby developers at conferences and tie tin cans to the bumpers of the modestly priced imports Python developers can afford. When they look silly, their languages look silly.
I put 500 iron nails into a goat head spelling out "Java Die" on the last new moon.
I make an effort to begin every sentence I write about Perl with "I."
I write apologist tracts for Perl 4 style and the continued use of cgi-lib.
I am extremely proud of how humble I am regarding my amazing Perl skills.
I have uploaded 23 "patches" to PHP containing security bugs.
I ask Matt Trout at least once a week to stop swearing so much as it lessen the impact of the profanity I place in my own presentations and code comments.
I never use warnings or strict as reliance on good practices weakens the Perl gene pool and makes us susceptible to invasion.