Here's one that has me pounding my head against a wall. I have an Apache VirtualHost that is served by two machines behind a load-balancer. I need to accurately get the load time from server A vs server B for a specific URL that resolves to the load balancer. I'm trying to find some way to make a "hostfile" that's local to the script itself without affecting name resolution for the rest of the monitoring server. There are 20,000 different ways to access the standard gethostbyname() function, but I have to find a way to short-circuit it. Thoughts? Ideas? Comments? Offers of alcohol?