An old, old post of mine from Usenet (which was my first-ever post to make alt.humor.best-of-usenet):

From: Jeff Boes (jboes@...)
Subject: Re: CGI Perl vs. Java Servlets...
Newsgroups: comp.lang.perl.misc
Date: 2000-10-31 07:25:09 PST

> 
> All things being equal which is faster?  CGI Perl or Java Servlets?
> 

Perl is faster than the day breaking over the ocean.
Java is slower than the arrival of the wayward son.

Perl is stronger than the smell of fear in Redmond.
Java is weaker than green tea made in a hurry.

Perl is more worthy of praise than am I.
Java is more worthy of scorn than is the world.

All things being equal, Perl is better than Java.
All things taken exactly as they are, Perl is no better than Java.

The wise man chooses a sword for war, and a hoe for gardening.
The fool strikes out with whatever is at hand.