Thanks much
Crackers2, excellent points all well taken. Your last question is a zinger and I really can't answer that. I do like your suggestion of keeping in within a sub, but other than that, I think my original OP was a bit presumptuous in trying to suggest something basically impossible in Perl (or any other language for that matter).
—Brad
"Don't ever take a fence down until you know the reason it was put up. " G. K. Chesterton