Any hints or suggestions dear monks? I'm absolutely stumped.

Have you tried examining the filtered module? I see stuff like $_=<<'';y;\r\n;;d;$_=pack'b*',$_;eval;$@&&die$@ and that is not going to return a true value. Here's my version of PAR::Filter::Bleach

sub apply {
    my $ref = $_[1];

    $$ref = unpack("b*", $$ref);
    $$ref =~ tr/01/ \t/;
    $$ref =~ s/(.{9})/$1\n/g;
    $$ref = q(local $_=<<'';y;\r\n;;d;$_=pack'b*',$_;$_=eval;$@&&die$@
+;$_;)."\n$$ref\n\n";
}
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