Well, I wasn't able to sleep last night, so I fiddled around and came up with another JAPH script. Weighing in at 426 bytes (around 360 without beautification). Perl + patriotism=very very bored.

Update: egad, my cutting and pasting removed semicolons! It should work fine now.

sub         _{local($^,$~,$.)=@_;map(s:\s:_:g
            ,$^,$~);$~=~s/(\w)\s\1//g;@1=map
            (@^=split(//),($^,$~));while(<@^>)
            {splice(@1,-1)}while(<@1>){$.=$..
            $_.shift(@^)}while(<@^>){$.=$..$_
}$.=~s!_! !g;return$.}$.="r";$h="j\rt\rlc";$f=
"ne";$i="seh";$k="tra";$o="et\rt";$s="or\rrr"
;$l="uahp\rk";print(substr(_(_($h,_($i,_($f,$o)
)),_($l,_($k,_($s,$.)))),0,(3^$h+4^$o+2^$c+3^$k)
*
4
)
)
;
[download]

All I am is a bunch of parlor tricks