While a good way of managing the actual forking, this doesn't address how to restructure the program so that forking can be used. That, I think, is the crux of the OP's question. Or, if I may rephrase,
"Why doesn't my Perl script transparently take advantage of multiple processors for a speedup without me having to do anything? It transparently takes advantage of so many other things ..."
Being right, does not endow the right to be rude; politeness costs nothing.
Being unknowing, is not the same as being stupid.
Expressing a contrary opinion, whether to the individual or the group, is more often a sign of deeper thought than of cantankerous belligerence.
Do not mistake your goals as the only goals; your opinion as the only opinion; your confidence as correctness. Saying you know better is not the same as explaining you know better.
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