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Any time I'm being paid to sit down and do a code review, I dread seeing one of these. This is almost always a red flag that what follows will be monolithic, hard to understand, hard to debug, hard to test code, written like we've tossed everything out that we learned about procedural programming in the past twenty years. Go look at the way I typically write code as an alternative.

Just my first take. Didn't get any further for this reason.