I had to wonder: are you sure you want to be doing that many inserts via DBI?

Yes, I am. But since you seem to care, you'll be happy to know that I reduced the runtime to less than an hour through a combination of multi-value inserts and factoring out some unnecessary Class::DBI usage. I'm sure it could go faster still but I think I'm at a point where it wouldn't be worth the development time.

-sam