Here's what I'd probably do:

1. Come to the Monastery. Oh... looks like you've already done that, good!
2. Settle down. Take a deep breath. Take the time to spell your title correctly.
3. Take a look at Tutorials, especially the "Getting Started With Perl" section, and then probably the "Regex" section. Another option would be to find yourself a good book on perl.
4. Since you mention Windows 2000, find a copy of ActiveState Perl on the internet and start playing with perl.

Your fellow monks will be happy to help you out - but not many will write the program for you - so continue to ask lots of questions

    -Bryan