Actually, I'm handling the parametes as a list, and calling separate functions for each parameter. Function is not a function in my code, it is a marker to which functions to use with the parameters.

function_one($param[0]);
function_one($param[1]);
and_so_on;
[download]

As a side note, parameters and "function names" are not always alphanumeric.
The Benchmark results from Chipmunk's code

Benchmark: timing 10000 iterations of beatnik1, chipmunk1, chipmunk2
  beatnik1: 536 wallclock secs (449.49 usr +  2.70 sys = 452.19 CPU)
 chipmunk1: 390 wallclock secs (360.76 usr +  2.25 sys = 363.01 CPU)
 chipmunk2: 313 wallclock secs (250.84 usr +  2.00 sys = 252.84 CPU)
[download]

Again, muchos kudos to Chipmunk

Greetz
Beatnik
... Quidquid perl dictum sit, altum viditur.