I'd just like to thank everyone who replied. I'll be looking over your suggestions over the next few days. Oddly enough, I have Damian Conway's OO-Perl book, but I never bothered to really read it -- I just skimmed through it and thought to myself, "damn, he's smart".

To rlk, mirod, cephas, t'mo, and MeowChow -- thanks for your help.