I'd like coffee. The coal tar that they give us right now is good for weather-proofing the soles of my Cole-Haans, but that's about all you can say.

Seriously, I work with some cheap sons of guns, and a lot of us buy our own coffee to bring in rather than use the free stuff. If they gave this to the prisoners at Guantanamo Bay, you'd have a frothing pack of journalists denouncing it as a human rights violation.