But under no circumstances are you ever going to write a UNIVERSAL::something module because it corrupts every other module loaded and results in many people hating you.

Me included.

Every UNIVERSAL::foo module is a mistake, and a failure to solve a problem more elegantly.

There's lots of modules that provide "standard" interfaces, like IO::Socket.

And when I want to act like one, implement the needed methods and then add

sub isa {
    $_[1] eq 'IO::Socket'
        ? 1
        : shift->SUPER::isa(@_);
}
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Which makes me ->isa('IO::Socket') without having to have thier implementations as my parent methods.