Searching for "goto" and "go to" on this site (which I presume you have access to) also yeilds results that would have pointed you in the right direction.

not to mention running perldoc -f goto, which doesn't even need network access...

So let me get this straight, you've been programming borderline obsolete programming languages in deadend jobs [1] for over three decades, you've now been saddled with the crappy task of improving a badly written system without really changing it, and you're at a company that's so moronic (or has so little trust in you) they won't even allow you decent web access. You don't have a clue about the system in question (saying that a system is "written in UNIX" makes you stand out as a real pro, you know), but you've heard something about this Perl language which is supposed to be good at system administration and integration, so you decide to use it. Unfortunately you don't have a clue about Perl either (at least not enough to ever do perldoc perlfunc) and the thirty years of legacy programming have changed your formerly mediocre problem-solving skills [2] into a one-track "this is how I've always done it" rut. So you post a stupid question and, because you're so down on your life and career, start insulting people who try to help you.

Have I got this about right? Real bundle of joy you are!

[1..2]These aren't baseless assumptions, if you weren't so bad at whatever string of meaningless jobs you attempted you certainly wouldn't be stuck with this kind of task after thirty years.