I've tried to analyze your requirements to see what you are really after, and only been able to come up with a far-fetched scenario:

1. Your monitor was damaged by Midtown Madness
2. You want to prove that Perl isn't a "real" programming language, so that
3. You can show a court a fancy game written in a "fake" language that can't possibly damage hardware, so that
4. You can prove that even a "toy" language can do fancy stuff without possibility of damaging hardware, and
5. Thus the makers of Midtown Madness are negligent and owe you $

Seriously, what do you expect us to make of you? How very, very odd.