Interesting quote:

"...I referred to Perl::Critic as a "cargo cult compliance module"."

This may be more accurate than we want it to be. Obviously "Best Practices" is a general term. Sometimes we put them into laws (stop on a red light). Other times they should be "known" (common sense, don't check the level of a gas tank with a match). We all have our reasons to do things and that will continue for quite some time. In the meantime, my "solution" was to put a "...no critic" comment on the line and let it go. All is now well with the world.