Do not run this code on any machine. You are setting yourself up for a world of hurt.

Read use CGI or die;, Web Programming with Perl and taint before you attempt this script again.

I know this is not the answer you were looking for and I hope no one gives you the answer to making this scipt function, but this will help you in the long run. If you run into problems using the suggestions above please feel free to post the code in question here.