I only felt it fair that since Christmas gets so much attention, that we Jews shouldn't be left out. So I threw this together. Hope you like it. It compiles under Perl v5.8.7 built for i486-linux-gnu-thread-multi.

BEGIN {
  if ($kids) { write $santa; dump $kids; }
  foreach (@night) { study $prayers and $stories; }
  select $gentiles; #to
    join "you"; if ($gentiles) { open $MIND,"ed"; }
}

foreach $night (1..8) {
  wait until $sundown;
  y/light/candles/;
  tell $oil_story;
  seek $matches, $candle, 0;
  bless $candle, $prayers;
  LIGHTING: {
    $candle unless $lit; next $candle;
    redo LIGHTING until last, menorah, is, lit;
  }
  goto FOOD unless ($young_children);
  join $gifts, $child;
  open ALL, $gifts;
  FOOD:
    do {
      unpack "FOOD", $table;
      chop $potato_latkes;
      sort @tater_tots;
      chop $brisket;
      open $applesauce, "packages";
      sin unless (bagles and lox); exists $on{table};
      require fork;
      if (exists $jewish{mother}) { use constant feeding, "rules"; };
      while ($jewish_household) { }
        continue { $eating until ($stomach > $full); }
    } while ($food eq "Kosher");

  TRADITIONS: {
    tell $stories;
    listen $stories, $history;
    setpriority $children, $jewish{spouse}, $marriage;
    do { $jewish_geography if (local $family); }
  }
  accept $gelt, $family;
  push @dreidel, $around_room;
  read($it,$happened,$over_there) unless (local $Israel);
}

do $mitzvot until $tired;

require $all; tell $everyone; { "Happy Hanukah"; }
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