Java just seems to be so clumsy and backwards

I don't like Java either, though I place most of the blame for that on the horribly incestuous standard libraries. But the separate compiler/interpreter; distributable bytecode; and runtime performance are nice.

I'd probably build some OO routines and 'pretend' to do C++;

You should definitely take a look at D. It does automatic memory management, OO, hashes, delegates, mixins, Perl-style fors and a whole lot more, Think C++ without the mess and verbosity. C without the pain. And it's fast.

Now, if I could drop into Inline::D and transparently use Perl's hashes, objects and memory management...