Awww, come on guys, it's so simple. Maybe you need a refresher course. Hey! It's all ball bearingshedgehogs nowadays. Now you prepare that Fetzer valve with some 3-in-1 oil and some gauze pads. And I'm gonna need 'bout ten quarts of anti-freeze, preferably Prestone. No, no make that Quaker State.

*cough* Ehrm . . . ah, yes; an explanation.

Directly manipulating your parent process' environment is one of those "so bad it's not even wrong" things under the POSIX paradigm; similarly attempting to paint something with a small, spine-covered mammal . . .

Update: Yeah, weak. I've got nothing . . . Oh look, defenseless babies!