Well, up to here it has really been nearly all PerlMonks on you :-)

To elaborate further

• gratuituous parens in my ($file);
• you don't check whether you've actually read something from STDIN, nor what. Sanitize your input (see perlsec)
• ...

okay, I'll shut up... welcome to the monastery, btw :-)

_($_=" "x(1<<5)."?\n".q·/)Oo.  G°\        /
                              /\_¯/(q    /
----------------------------  \__(m.====·.(_("always off the crowd"))."·
");sub _{s./.($e="'Itrs `mnsgdq Gdbj O`qkdq")=~y/"-y/#-z/;$e.e && print}