• don't use a regexp when all you need is index
• don't use a regexp with a quantifier pattern if you can substr
• simple tools are fastest for simple tasks

Did I miss some?

Nice that you combined the positive and negative searches into one, so one can see the average of both.

_($_=" "x(1<<5)."?\n".q·/)Oo.  G°\        /
                              /\_¯/(q    /
----------------------------  \__(m.====·.(_("always off the crowd"))."·
");sub _{s./.($e="'Itrs `mnsgdq Gdbj O`qkdq")=~y/"-y/#-z/;$e.e && print}