But that seems like a sledgehammer to swat a fly (albeit, a very pesky fly!).

So I guess its time to start slinging some Perl. I'm surprised this problem hasn't yet been addressed, it seems like a reasonably common issue thats been around for more than a decade. So I'm merging Win32::Font::NameToFile with an XLFD handler, and maybe look into an OS X solution as well. Then we'll finally have a single solution (well, sortof).