This very post itself has said it all, and more powerful than any opposition: there is something wrong with perl code's maintainability.

I know posting is fun, and accusing people of hypocrisy and backtracking and doubletalk is a gas, gas, gas, but would it bother you too much to read what I wrote, then read the linked posts, then think about what they said, and only then post?

It's not about maintainability. It's about simplicity, elegance, abstraction, and good solutions to common problems.