It's only barely obfuscated, and it isn't really producing JaPh, but after hanging out here for 6 months I thought I ought to at least give it a try. At least it does pass strict and warnings.

    $_='x$w
 JXxwu   Xhxsw
PXa         n&oth
#e          %rXcx
           x-rXkx
          x%l<X
         eX^rX
      ,@';s
    {\W|$/}
    {}ig;$_
    .=',';s
    <[w-z]>
    { ' ' x 
    (ord($&)
     -0x76)

     }ge;s
   <X>{$/}ge;
     print;
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--
I'd like to be able to assign to an luser