in reply to Lying on the bed I made

IMHO you need mental peace.
just try to do some meditation, or focus on spirituality like Advaita_Vedanta, Ramana_Maharishi, Ramesh_Balsekar.If I am in your position I will keep myself busy with all these stuff.


Vivek
-- 'I' am not the body, 'I' am the 'soul', which has no beginning or no end, no attachment or no aversion, nothing to attain or lose.