we are talking past one another anyway and clearly not speaking about the same things (which seems to be a pattern too, *sigh*)

Shame! I do try very hard to write clearly; and to ask questions and/or paraphrase you, in the hope of getting us on the same page.

ARE YOU PREPARED!!! I know I am, because I have 30 quadrillion type checks

But if half of them are duplicates, is 15 quadrillion enough? And is their overhead totally inconsequential?

one GIANT MONSTER of a stack trace!

Hm. And there was me thinking that $Carp::verbose = 1; would give you that.