You have a lot of energy, and it's really sad to see you wasting it heading down this destructive path when you could be applying it to something much more productive. I really do not understand how you can be so damning and critical of a site full to to the brim with people that want to help others for the sake of helping others. The Monastery can be a very forgiving place, but the onus is on you to seek that forgiveness. Trying not to come across so rude would be a good place to start. And all Monks have a vested interest in the happenings and going-ons of the Monastery. My apologies if you do not appreciate or understand my interest in caring. Hopefully in the years to come you will begin to understand. "Forgiveness" is not dirty word, "politeness" is not a dirty word, and neither is "compassion".