You're hoping to run some code (whether you call it a 'subroutine' or not doesn't matter) on a remote system, but have it call other code (modules) back on the local system somehow. I don't think that's possible, short of mounting the local system on the remote via NFS or something, which would be a lot sketchier than the reasonable options you're saying wouldn't be allowed.

Using local::lib seems like the most sensible solution, assuming you can't get the server admins to install the modules for you.