This doesn't work for me:

listen 'closer' foreach $breath;
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I get "Not enough arguments for listen".

The following runs without error on 5.10.1. I've added $_ as an argument to listen (0 could work too) and used a few more barewords here and there. Also, added or after the listen line as it seems to improve the rhythm.

split my $_=fork, pop and wait;
for my $passion (@to_terminate)
{
    map {my $body} ($through and $through);
    shift @me, oh .. so . close to . 'you!'
}
listen closer, $_ foreach @breath or
kill $me, 'with that little death';
"What's the meaning of this rhyme"?
'You will come to learn in' : time;
if ($this_little) { $code . is_run };
Then . the . two . $will_be . as ,
1;
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I'm surprised you didn't work join into there. You could make the last lines:

if (this_little . code . is_run ) {
join the . two , of . us , as } 1
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Or even:

if ( our $little_code = run ) {
join the . two , of . us , as } 1
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