I think that whether or not unlearning needs to happen has to do with how you learn in the first place.

If you learn by rote a list of absolute rules, then yes, you will need to unlearn.

If you learn from the start that in programming you need to constantly make trade-offs, and you learn what kinds of trade-offs the good things that you are learning to do entail, then later you just need to learn more about the trade-offs.

Applying this to chess, developing your queen early gives the other person an obvious target. What you are worried about is them developing piece after piece, each time forcing your queen to move. And then you wind up with only your queen developed, having been chased around the board, while they have everything out and control the board.

Teach someone this and they will both learn why they don't want to pull the queen out, and how to take advantage of it if someone else does.

But if you understand things this way, then you know that it would be nice to develop your queen, and you know that the reasons not to have to do with the ability of the opponent to take advantage of it. As you point out, in some openings this is easier said than done.