To modernize terminology, let's also replace

• “the Swiss army chainsaw” with “the Swiss army lightsaber”;
• the “monastery” with a “university” and monk-related labels for experience levels with labels related to contemporary academic education;
• dragons with dinosaurs;
• the NodeReaper's sickle with a combine harvester (I think Terry Pratchett's Reaper Man has something like this);
• “teletypes” and “terminals” and “terminal emulators” and “consoles” with “plain text debug windows”, “carriage returns” and “line feeds” with “beginning of line control characters” and “next line control characters” respectively;
• possibly constant “variables” with “bindings”, and “functions” in impure languages with “subprograms” or “subroutines” or “procedures”;
• “regular expressions” with “patterns” (like perl6 does);
• camels with SUVs in the camel code;
• Visual Basic with Visual C# in My computer broked down after perl install.

(This reply is a joke.)