I'm not sure if this answers your question, but I think this is what you want...

for (@ARGV) {
 if(/dick/){
  print "you said dick!\n";
 } else {
   print "you didn't say dick, hah, what a dick!\n";
 }
}
[download]

OR

/dick/ ?  print "you said dick!\n" : print "you didn't say dick, hah, 
+what a dick!\n" for (@ARGV);
[download]

__________________________________________________
<moviequote name="Hackers">
The Plague: [...]Well let me explain the New World Order. Governments and corporations need people like you and me. We are samurai. The keyboard cowboys. And all those other people out there who have no idea what's going on are the cattle. Mooo!
</moviequote>

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