Well, you already got "$language is really OO vs. No, it isn't", but you're missing my favourite: "procedural vs. OO"

• Why on earth are you doing this with OOP?
• It's simpler for the user and more obvious.
• Not it's not. And pure subs are a lot faster too.
• ...

CombatSquirrel.

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Entropy is the tendency of everything going to hell.