Among the mass of incomplete information there is one datum that is clearly known and immutable: the world the boy should be preparing to step into is not going to take the time to get to know him before it decides, often arbitrarily, to deal him blows. There's no question about whether or not life is going to take whacks at him; the only question is whether or not he's going to have the wherewithal to withstand them. If a young man is on a course of his own choosing because he feels inspired by it, the world can whack at him all day and all night, and he'll stay on that course. If, on the other hand, he's just doing what his parents want him to do, a light breeze will knock him down and keep him down. It's up to you to decide whether you're going to steer him or just show him the stars to navigate by and leave it to him to choose his course. It's pretty obvious which of those two options has the greater likelihood of success.
In your own experience, as I understand it from what you've written here, you found programming uninspiring despite your father's best efforts and wishes that you take it up. You became inspired by it only after your peers took it up, and have since made a career of it. I'd think that knowledge of your own behavior would come in handy now that you're in the parental role.
If you've got the support of your wife and she agrees with you that the child should not spend the next few years just lounging around the house, the solution is as easy to define as it is difficult to implement. "Kid, 120 days after you finish high school, this house will no longer be your home. If you choose to become educated in the field of your own choice, we'll foot the bill for your education. Otherwise, you're on your own just like every other non-feeble adult on the continent." It might sound harsh, and maybe it is, but it didn't kill me to make that decision when my parents gave me essentially those options. I didn't take the easy way and go to school on their nickel, but I still managed without any help at all to become an electrical engineer and later a programmer. And a grandpa, too.
One of the ways you measure success in life seems really very strange to me. Decisiveness is popularly being accorded much more value than it deserves. Every idiot who's been injured jumping with a rented bungee cord made the decision to jump based upon incomplete information and then acted decisively. Myself, if I'm not comfortable with the quality of the information before me and the negative consequence of delaying the decision is less onerous than that of making the wrong decision, I'll seek to improve the quality of the information available to me. The successful gambler is the one who folds his hands often because he knows that the money already on the table cannot be protected.
I wish you the best of luck, and more importantly, patience and wisdom, in your relationship with your stepson.
In reply to Re^3: How do I get my teenager interested in software development?
by gloryhack
in thread How do I get my teenager interested in software development?
by talexb
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