If Perl were a woman:

• I wouldn't understand her so well.
• She would shop for new stylish GUI's incessantly.
• Command line switches would all start with "-Please honey?"
• Her logic would be tempered by occasional mood swings.
• CPAN would have flowers growing in its garden, and new curtains to match its color-coordinated CSSheets.
• One liners? I don't think so. No such thing.
• Golf? Finish your chores first.
• She wouldn't need sort, as things would never get out of order in the first place.
• She wouldn't be able to execute scripts that require maps.
• V-strings would never have been invented; too darn uncomfortable.
• She would call her male friend to help whenever a bug is found.
• CPAN would be her closet full of mix-and-match accessories.
• Use of strictures no longer optional. But warnings will be in the form of stern looks.
• She would no longer become jealous of the computer when her husband spends long hours fiddling with her code.
• There is still more than one way to do it.

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