Since the requirement is 5, 7, 5 mora, not syllables, that seems acceptable. Though I don't see a kigo (season word) anywhere. Maybe add a second verse for that:
Flowing as water Filling quick the emptiness Swift the fingers move
++ for the neat poem. (I don't like the added "are" it doesn't flow as well IMHO).
In reply to Re^2: Lesson for grasshopper haiku
by kutsu
in thread Lesson for grasshopper haiku
by zentara
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