Ok, I have to post a few more....

If Perl were a woman:

• Larry Wall would become a hall-of-fame'er akin to Don Juan, Rico Suave, Sean Connery, etc.
• Saints would be sinners.
• PerlMonks would be envied by geeks worldwide.
• We would all become entranced by her charm.
• People who regularly use Perl, C, Java, Python, Ruby, and Visual Basic would be known as polygamists.
• People who set up websites to sell CGI scripts would be known as pimps.
• Public Domain scripts would be a little like the free-love movement of the 60's.
• My email box would start getting spammed with messages whos subject lines shout, "Hard-core Regular Expressions EXPOSED!"
• XS programming, Symbol-table manipulation, and blessed filehandles would earn your script an "R" rating.
• Modules and Packages would all contain new shoes, except for package main, which would contain chocolates.