package FixUserIssues;

Inspired by my work in support.

package FixUserIssues;

foreach $user (@organization) {
    use Clue::Bat;
    while ($user->{IQ} < 100) { Clue::Bat::beat($user) }
}

1;
[download]

Implementation of Clue::Bat is left to the imagination. ;-)

radiantmatrix
require General::Disclaimer; s//2fde04abe76c036c9074586c1/; while(m/(.)/g){print substr(' ,JPacehklnorstu',hex($1),1)}

Comment on package FixUserIssues; Download Code

Replies are listed 'Best First'.
Re: package FixUserIssues; by Tanktalus (Canon) on Apr 06, 2005 at 15:44 UTC
From my days as a member of bohica.net, the popular phrase from the sysadmin was "wire brush of enlightenment" rather than "clue bat". You might get better results with WireBrush::Enlightenment than Clue::Bat. ;-)	[reply]
Re: package FixUserIssues; by NateTut (Deacon) on Apr 06, 2005 at 18:53 UTC
I would think that Clue::Bat::beat() would tend to decrease IQ as you "beat them senseless" but I suppose that you could also be "beating some sense into them" which would cause a rise in IQ.	[reply]
Re: package FixUserIssues; by zentara (Cardinal) on Apr 07, 2005 at 11:44 UTC
I learned a big lesson when working with horses. A carrot works better than "the stick". The most obstinate creature cooperates if you shake a bucket of "sweet feed" in front of them. If you start hitting them, they get confused, defensive, and sometimes dangerous. So what would be the equivalent of a carrot, for dumbasses who want tech support? I'm not really a human, but I play one on earth. flash japh	[reply]
Re^2: package FixUserIssues; by insaniac (Friar) on Apr 22, 2005 at 10:45 UTC
pr0n? :-/ to ask a question is a moment of shame to remain ignorant is a lifelong shame	[reply]
Re: package FixUserIssues; by cog (Parson) on Apr 06, 2005 at 16:33 UTC
Well, I don't think that would solve any problem, because you'd still have to deal with them the day after, but it would surelly help reduce the stress :-)	[reply]
Re^2: package FixUserIssues; by radiantmatrix (Parson) on Apr 06, 2005 at 18:34 UTC
I was thinking of implementing Clue::Bat in such a way that it will actually increase the IQ of the user as a side-effect of the beat() routine. In this way, it would solve a lot of problems. Not as fun as Net::StabUser. ;-) radiantmatrix `require General::Disclaimer; s//2fde04abe76c036c9074586c1/; while(m/(.)/g){print substr(' ,JPacehklnorstu',hex($1),1)}`	[reply]
Re: package FixUserIssues; by ciderpunx (Vicar) on Apr 14, 2005 at 13:24 UTC
Made me think of that t-shirt: `SELECT * FROM users WHERE clue > 0 ; 0 rows returned` [download] -- charlieharvey.org.uk	[reply] [d/l]
Re: package FixUserIssues; by bibliophile (Prior) on Apr 12, 2005 at 14:55 UTC
For me, the shoe is (finally!) on the other foot... I have to call our (outsourced) tech support. They often need the ClueBat (eg - me: "Your last router table update blocked ports I need" them: "Have you tried rebooting your PC?" me: "AAAARGH!") I'd like to see this: `foreach $tech_support_call (@queue) { if ($user->{clueful} { $TSC->escalate($tech_support_call); } else { $TSC->follow_script(); } }` [download] Update: changed subject to something more relevent	[reply] [d/l]