You said: "I posted a legitimate, concrete solution to a legitimate problem."

Yes, you are right... mostly.

But this is a perl site, as you may have noticed, so it is considered impolite to answer "use another language" if someone asks here how to do something in perl...

Moreover, as a side note, out there there are many other languages to use, portable languages, with open source licenses, and supported by a user base of more than two people.

Update: corrected a typo, thanks jenda.